Mindwarp

2002-11-11T20:40:00.001-08:00

Hello slaves. You may be wondering why I haven't updated this thing in the last few days. Actually you probably don't care but I'll tell you anyway. I ,El Freak, have been on a quest to find a human female to make the sex. Dammit, I'm tired of being alone and horny. My right hand demands that I find a dripping wet fun hole, as it apparently can't stand me anymore. I actually found a girl that I think may become interested. She's cute, sweet, and she only lives about 10 miles from me. Wish me luck.

I've noticed something rather disturbing in my stats: a good percentage of you come here looking for goat porn. You people are truly some sick disgusting fuckers. I hate you all.

2002-11-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

2002-11-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

This is just sad. Cyborg poon: the next stop for the Internet I fear.

2002-11-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

Hello people, time for more ridiculous shit.

The Chronicles of George. This is fucking funny. I'm convinced that this George guy must work for MSN tech support(yes I'm a loser who uses MSN, deal with it)because everyone I've ever dealt with there is a fucking moron.

Cheech and Chong.com. Pass me the bong. Great site, though the message board proves that weed does fry your brain.

2002-11-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

Only in New York. A psychologist would have a field day with that chick. Though I do agree that the need to be with someone is nothing more than a sign of weaknesss, and it's a weakness that primarily women have. Women look for love, men look for pussy.Fuck being in love. That's only for people that are too weak to go their own way in the world. It's a waste of time. The time that most people spend kissing someone's ass in the name of love could be better spent learning and getting to know one's self. Anyway that's just my opinion. And my opinion is, as always, the right one.

2002-11-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

Right now that old CCR song "Who'll Stop the Rain" has been going through my head like a mantra. We've had nothing but rain for nearly two weeks now.And now it's rainy and cold .It's completely fucking depressing. Absolutely nothing to do, except jerk off. Good suicide weather. This is the kind of weather one should spend either drinking or curled up in bed with a hot chick. But since I'm broke and unattractive that ain't gonna happen. Personally I can't understand why a woman wouldn't find an overweight, only partial employed man who lives at home attractive. If life were fair, I'd be in bed boinking Katie Holmes, instead of just spanking monk while watching Dawson's Creek.

Ok enough with the whining. Amuse me.

2002-11-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

File this under fucking retarded: Italian government refuses to let man get married because his birth certificate says he's a chick. That just fucking blew me away. That just reaffirms my suspicion that governments every where are full of lazy incompetent morons. Message to Italian officials: if it's got a beard, a deep voice, and most importantly, A SCHLONG, then it's a fucking man. Morons.

In more personal news, the other site's progressing nicely. I haven't finished it yet but so far it doesnt suck too bad. I've just about got the layout finished. Now all that's left is to add some actual content and upload the thing. I'll keep you posted, as if any of you actually give a shit.

2002-11-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

Japanese boy blows up condom machine. Wish I'd thought of that one.

Sorry no post today. Been working on a new site. Will be even more sick twisted and evil than this one. Watch this spot.

2002-10-31T13:55:00.000-08:00

Oh and btw, happy fucking Halloween. Trick or treat. Now give me some candy or I blow up your car asshole.

2002-10-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

Jammaster Jay of Run DMC shot and killed. Anybody that knows me knows that I despise most rap as being nothing but talentless noise that encourages violence, sexism, homophobia and just generally acting like a complete asswipe, but I respected Run DMC. Not that I really liked their music, but I respected the fact that they didn't take themselves too seriously and the fact that they were about acting out against gang violence. Tupac and Biggie Smalls and all those other morons deserved to get shot, but not this guy. Sad.

2002-10-30T15:34:00.000-08:00

Edinburgh man arrested for screwing street pole. Says he did it because his usual "sexual partner", a pair of running shoes, was not available. Meanwhile, an American man known only as El Freak searches for some good rutabaga lovin'.

2002-10-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

Fuck fuck fuck. Blogger is, once again, acting like a complete piece of shit. What I meant to say in yesterday's post is that I masturbated 5 times yesterday. Fuck you, people who created Blogger!! May you have really painful hemorrhoids and may your genitals get that burning itchy sensation. Eat my shit!!

2002-10-29T21:45:00.000-08:00

This has got to be the single most useless fucking thing ever. Sending email and watching tv from a fucking refrigerator? Who could possibly need this?

In other news, I

2002-10-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

Back to Screamin Jay Hawkins. Here's where you can hear most of his classic shit in one place. You have to have a Real player, which is the biggest piece of crap on the net, but this site is the best I could find.

2002-10-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Special thanks to TheFunny.org for linking me. I'd especially like to thank them for not coming to my house and beating me to a bloody pulp for "borrowing" ideas from them. Seriously though, check em out. They have some seriously funny shit.

2002-10-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

War is silly, whack your willy. Finally a cause I can believe in. It gives me a warm glow inside to know that everytime I spurt joy juice all over a picture of Katie Holmes, I'm doing it for the good of mankind.

More stuff:

Currently listening to: Screamin' Jay Hawkins. For anybody that's never heard that guy, I suggest hunting down some mp3's. You won't be sorry. Easily the most insane 50's rocker. He was Little Richard times a million. If his shit don't put you in a good mood, you're fuckin dead.

2002-10-27T18:09:00.000-08:00

File this under way fuckin cool: Chuck Yeager makes last supersonic flight at age 79. At least I think it's pretty goddamned cool.

2002-10-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Things overheard at the std clinic. This makes me not want to have sex ever again. Not like I ever will have sex again anyway. After all, overweight men with monitor radiation tans do not exactly attract the poon.

2002-10-26T17:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a joke I heard. I like it.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

2002-10-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

Irony is alive and well.

I happened to be sitting watching the idiot box, bored off my ass, when they played one of those new stupid fucking anti-weed commercials that are of course targeted at teenagers. In this particular one there are a couple of kids sittin around getting high and talking. Then one kid takes a gun out of his dad's desk. The other kid says,"Cool. Is it loaded?""Nah". Of course I don't have to tell you what happens next. The end of the commercial says something like "Harmless? Marijuana impairs your judgement". Immediately after this they aired a Coors commercial.If that ain't sending a mixed message, then I'm a fucking Playgirl centerfold. Both impair your judgement and can make you do stupid things, yet one's acceptable and the other's not? Can we say utterly stupid and hypocritical?

2002-10-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

Well apparently they've caught our good sniper buddies. It all seems to be a bit cut-and-dried for me though. But then again there are things that we, the public, did not have access to. So who the fuck knows?

What really annoys me, though, is how every dipshit reporter and talk show host is expressing their "shock" that the suspects are black. After all, black people are a noble "oppressed minority", and it's simply unthinkable that a black person could be capable of such a thing.I think I heard one of these idiots say something along those lines. Bullshit. Human beings are human beings, and all are capable of extremely horrible thoughtless acts. In fact that seems to be our whole reason for existing: to be extremely horrible and shitty to one another, thereby giving the aliens something to laugh at and feel superior to.

Anyway that's bound to piss somebody off. Send hate mail here.

2002-10-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

File this under obvious: U.S. not even in top ten when it comes to freedom of the press. The reason for this? Blame it on all the politically correct liberal looneys who file a lawsuit everytime something hurts someone's poor widdle feewings, and the current vogue for mindless God fearin', flag wavin' "patriotism".

That's just my opinion. And my opinion of course, is the right one.

2002-10-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

I hate you. I despise you. I want you dead. I want to jack off to your screams of pain. I want to see the look on your face as you shit and piss yourself in fear. I want to savor the smell of your burning flesh. I want to witness your last breath as you enter the gates of hell.

2002-10-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

Feel free to make fun of this stupid cunt. In fact the person who is most creative in doing so wins a hundred bucks*.

Another "sensitive" girl with a webpage. God knows there's a shortage of them.

*In imaginary currency

2002-10-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

This is beyond fucking stupid. This kind of shit is the reason that I think most do-gooder liberals should be ground up into free hamburger meat for the poor. Children could be upset by the violence they see? What fucking violence??? I have been to plenty of rodeos in my time, and while they are most definitely not my thing, I have yet to see violent or abusive behavior towards animals at one of these things.

What really upsets me though, is this is yet another attempt to get schools to teach children what to think, instead of how to think. Children are no longer allowed to develop their own opinions about what is and is not morally acceptable. Not anymore. Not with so many panty-waist, "we must think of the children" types who are more "qualified" to make up children's minds for them.No wonder most children these days are sub-moronic droids.

If any of you live in the bay area, do me a favor: shoot that fucking bitch.

God, that sucked. El Freak is having an off-day. Go look at some nekkid chicks.

2002-10-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Song of the moment: You hate me and I hate you by G.G. Allin

Feeling: bored with life
Amuse me

2002-10-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

Back to our good sniper buddy. This is just wrong, man. But very fucking funny.

2002-10-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well kiddies, looks as though our friendly neighborhood sniper has struck again.

I have concluded that this country is officially going to hell. First Emperor Bush pledges to go to war to obtain Iraqi oil, umm excuse me," bring democracy to Iraq", and now this fucking moron.

What I really want to know is, since this is so close to Washington(aka Hell), why doesnt our good sniper buddy do the world a favor and at least take out a few Congressmen??

2002-10-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

I've always felt that most humans are nothing more than stupid hairless monkeys who should have been aborted. This article confirms my belief.

2002-10-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

Remember kids, Spiderman will make you gay.

2002-10-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

I have an announcement to make. I, El Freak, being vastly superior to you pathetic humans in every conceivable way, shall soon rule your pathetic little planet. You humans,being the most collossally stupid species in the galaxy, need a being of vast intellect to rule you with an iron fist. I am that being. Here are some of the first changes you annoying hairless monkeys can expect:

All cellphone usage shall be limited to EMERGENCIES ONLY. Any human caught using one of these infernal devices, in any public place or while driving ,for insipid conversation shall have said device rammed up their anal cavity.

All humans responsible for the careers of NSync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, etc, shall be exterminated. Any human caught with any CD, clothing, magazine,etc, pertaining to the above mentioned "artists" shall be publicly beaten. A second offense shall result in a slow painful death. Also, all employees of either MTV or Clear Channel shall be tied to a chair and will be forced to listen to the products of their work ad nauseam.

All gangsta rappers shall be forced to admit that they, in fact, grew up in the suburbs and went to private school. They shall then be forced to learn how to play an actual musical instrument. They will also be beaten by other humans who lost friends or family members to gang violence.

Any American discovered to be a Republican or a Democrat shall be forced to choke on their own shit.

All persons who in the past have paid obscene amounts of money for any article of clothing that was produced in a third world sweatshop by workers who were only paid 25 cents a day shall be forced to wear clothing with the words "I am an idiotic slave to large multinational corporations" printed on them in large fluorescent colors.

These changes shall be made immediately upon my assumption of power. Any human caught in violation of any rules that have been laid down by His Excellency shall be swiftly punished.

2002-10-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

The amount of ridiculous things one finds on the net never ceases to amaze me. Like speedstacks. Basically it's a "sport" where you stack fucking cups. Yes thats right. Stacking cups.

To all you geeks who actually participate in this shit, stacking plastic cups is not a sport. I repeat NOT A SPORT. You're being ripped off morons. Fucking losers, why don't you take up a real sport like synchronized ass scratching?

2002-10-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

Umm, not a lot to say today, but I figured I'd update just for the sheer hell of it. Today the clouds of anger and misery over my life actually lifted. I actually found myself feeling the opposite of depressed. You know, that "h" word. I think the reason for this was the fact that we actually had pretty weather for once. It wasnt all dark and foreboding like it has been here for the past two weeks. I actually found myself actually DOING SOMETHING for once. Life's great.

Ok, enough of that fucking nonsense. I still hate you. Every last one of you. I still wish for your genitals to rot. Fuck off and die.

2002-10-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

And now for the news:Man violates parole by pushing beer keg down the street in a stroller. That's right, a fucking stroller. Judge asks if he was taking it for a walk.

2002-10-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Now it's time for some pathetic begging. Tell Phude and Kim that it is their duty to give me a link.

2002-10-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

You know, no matter how bad life gets or how shitty I feel, I can always take solace in the fact that I'm not this moron.

2002-10-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

God, I'm pathetic. I just realized that I have wasted all of a perfectly good day working on this shitty website that no one reads. Why, you ask? Well, I like to bitch a lot. And mainly I bitch about the fact that like 99.9% of everyone on the web I'm too much of a fucking coward to go out and do anything. Over the last couple of years this whole internet thing has started to completely dominate my life. I don't go out, I don't get laid, I barely do anything except post shit on the web. Don't judge, because chances are if you're reading this you're the same way. Alienated from the world. Content to let life pass you by while you soak up radiation from your monitor. My advice: get outside. Go play with your kids. Go hunting. Go for a walk in the woods. Just enjoy living.

Anyway enough with all the self-loathing. Check out Fazed.net. It usually makes me laugh.

2002-10-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last several hours learning that attempting to fix a website that you havent updated in months is a royal pain in the ass, especially if you've nearly forgotten html. Makes me wonder why the hell I even bother. After all this thing is pretty pointless, since only 2 or 3 people read it anyway. Why am I doing this, when out there in the world there's fun to be had, beer to be drunk, and pussy to be scored. Maybe I'm just fucking weird.

I think I'm just going to spend more time masturbating.

2002-10-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm trying something new here. Hopefully this will work and will actually cause Mindwarp to be worth a shit. This is just a test to see if it works. Actual content will come later. Meanwhile enjoy some fine shit porn you disgusting perverts you.